I Didn't Raise My Ford to Be a Jitney
Words and music by Jack Frost
Published 1915

[note: this song is a parody of the 1915 anti-war hit, "I Didn't Raise My Boy To Be a Soldier"].

[verse 1]
Hiram Lord from Wellsboro,
He bought a Ford a week ago,
And he paid for it in reg'lar dough,
Then took a trip to town;
While goin' up the big main street
A man whose nerve could not be beat
Jumped right up into Hi's back seat,
But Hi he slowed right down.
The man said as he held five cents,
"The jitney bus is sure immense."
But Hi his anger was intense
As he turned to him and said,
Get out!" get out!
I know you hate to walk.
No doubt! no doubt!
But 'tain't no use to talk."

[chorus]
I didn't raise my Ford to be a jitney bus,
So don't humiliate my poor machine;
Henry Ford made walking a pleasure,
But don't take my little treasure
Or I'll run you out of gasoline.
You'd better take the street car right away, sir,
You're the meanest man I've ever seen;
You're in an awful pickle,
Take back your goll darned nickle,
I didn't raise my Ford to be a jitney.

[verse 2]
Hiram said, "I'd like to know
Why ev'rybody snickers so
When down the boulevard I go;
They're jealous! I don't care.
A very weary life I've led;
The other day a fellow said,
'Fords go where angels fear to tread,'
That means most anywhere.
One day I cranked to beat the band,
The darn thing slipped out of my hand,
I thought that it would never land,
For it nearly touched the sky.
I'm said! I'm sad!
I've got a car and so I'm mad! I'm mad!
I want the world to know;

[repeat chorus]