I Thank You Mr. Hoover, That the Best Day In The Year
Written by Clarence Gaskill
Published 1918

[verse 1]
I'm strong for Uncle Sammy and I like his latest plan,
To save as much as we know how to help the fighting man.
I want to help my country now if you don't think I do
Just listen to these verses, I hope you think they're true:

[refrain 1]
Monday is a wheat-less day,
I do without my bread;
Tuesday is a meat-less day,
I eat baked beans instead;
Wednesday is a spoon-less* night,
I don't go near the park,
And Thursday is a light-less night,
I walk home in the dark
Friday is a sweet-less day,
No sugar do I stir;
Saturday's a bath-less day,
(Oh, how I wish it were!)
Sunday is a wife-less day,
I don't see wifey dear;
I thank you Mister Hoover,
That's the best day in the year.

[verse 2]
I'd like to join the army and I'd try the navy too,
But wifey won't have anyone to fight with if I do.
The soldiers in the trenches have a better chance by far;
I'm captured for a lifetime
By her and her mama

[refrain 2]
Monday is a smoke-less day,
I'm chewing gum, my dear;
Tuesday is a drink-less day,
I do without my beer;
Wednesday is a card-less night,
No "pat-hand" can I hold
And Thursday is a heat-less day,
But my room's always cold
Friday is a club-less night,
I stay home with the troupe;
Saturday's a noise-less day,
I can't eat noodle soup.
Sunday is a wife-less day,
I couldn't aks for more.
I thank you Mister Hoover,
And I hope you win the war

[refrain 3]
Monday is a ride-less day,
I walk home all the way;
Tuesday is a talk-less day,
But my wife won't obey
Wednesday is a girl-less day,
That's one I hate to keep,
And Thursday is a kiss-less day,
And I talk in my sleep.
Friday is a bill-less day,
I'm happy as a lord;
Saturday's a joke-less day,
I never knock the Ford.
Sunday is a wife-less day,
A day of peace and rest;
I thank you Mister Hoover,
That's the day I like the best

*Refers to the act of "spooning," meaning to cuddle and kiss (presumably the narrator means with someone other than his wife)