The President's Prayer

Performed by the Watergate Seven
Recorded 1973

RICHARD: Uh, excuse me Pat, but I think I better get down on my knees and ask for help by saying my prayers. How does it go again?

PAT: Now I lay me down to sleep.

RICHARD: No, no, not that one. Well I'll use the one that I wrote up today.

PAT: Well, I didn't think it was too strong.

RICHARD: Well don't worry Pat, I had my friend at Laugh-in Paul Keys come in and punch it up. Uh, here goes. My fellow god. Let me make, let me make one thing perfectly clear. I've always said that you were a team player. As as you know, I have my back against the goal line. It's 4th down with long yardage, but I don't think you want me to punt, turn the ball over to the other team. Lord, you stood by me in all of my 6 crises. Uh, you were with me when I sent troops into Cambodia. Uh, you were with me when I mined the harbors at haiphong. And by the way, thanks for the telegrams. Lord, you were with me during one of the most important decisions I ever had to make--whether or not to take the 7 point spread on the Redskin-Packer game. But tonight, I need your help more than ever. And if you're there Lord, I wish you'd give me some sign, some word.

LORD: I'm here, Richard.

RICHARD: I knew you would be, Lord. I knew you wouldn't let me down. But Lord, will you help me?

LORD: No I wouldn't.

RICHARD: But why not?

LORD: Well, I didn't mind when you wrecked the careers of Dita Beard*. I even had an omnipotent giggle over the L. Patrick Gray michigas**. As far as Ehrlichman and Haldeman--phooey. But when you pull that nice fella, Sammy Davis, Jr. down, Richard, that was too much!

*A Washington Lobbyist for ITT Corporation. In 1972, newspaper columnist Jack Anderson disclosed a memo of Beard's which revealed a relationship between ITT's providing funds for the Republican National Convention and a Justice Department settlement of an antitrust suit favorable to ITT.

**Yiddish for "craziness"

[lyrics transcribed by listening. Send corrections via the contact link on the main page]