What's The Matter With Uncle Sam?
Words and music by Mrs. Charles H. Toby
Published 1913

Oh what is the matter with Uncle Sam,
Oh he's all right you know,
He knows how to deal with schemes flim-flam,
Just give him a while to grow;
Oh who is Uncle Sam, I wonder,
Now to guess you may try,
And do not make an awful blunder,
For he's you and I,
Whenever you go to a ballot box,
Just think of Uncle Sam;
And vote to banish all the rogues,
Who get up the schemes flim-flam
He'll own the trust, if we say he must,
He'll dig the mines, and abolish wines,
He'll launch the float, for women's vote,
And We'll think we're up in the nines;
Whoever we have in the President's chair,
May run us a race if he choose,
We've something to gain if we only beware
For there isn't much more we can lose.
Just hear that whistle go toot, toot, toot,
That bell go dingity ding;
'Tis hammerty smite till Saturday night,
To the tune of ting-a-ling ling.
Now ev'ry man should own his home,
And have enough to spare,
Should rest each week a day and a half,
And be free from worry and care
We'll pull together with Uncle Sam,
For he's all right you know,
We'll help him banish the schemes flim-flam,
And give him a while to grow

There's nothing the matter with Uncle Sam,
When he's made up his mind,
He'll never give up on the schemes flim-flam,
He isn't the give-up kind;
Republican, Democrat or Bull Mooser,
Some one may have to skidoo,
Be he Socialist, Cap'talist or Cabooser,
He may feel the tatoo,
When Uncle Sam sees him on the run,
He'll wave a glad farewell,
'Twill be "Never again' old boy, you're done
I'll sound your funeral knell;"
For where there's right, there's always might,
And greed and graft must take a raft,
And sail away, to Mis'ry's bay,
To find they have gone daft;
If the wrong man gets in to the President's chair,
Nine chances out of ten, He'll "walk right in, and he'll turn right round,
And he'll walk right out again."
Just hear that shovel go dig, dig, dig,
To make the Panama ditch;
Just hear that dynamo buzz, buzz, buzz,
To feed the powerful switch
Now Uncle Sam is a shovel machine,
Look out he'll scoop you in,
He is a human dynamo,
To do right you'd better begin
There's nothing the matter with Uncle Sam,
For he's all right you know,
He's sure to banish the schemes flim-flam,
Just give him a while to grow.