Turn The Crank!! A Plea For Personal Liberty
by Edward F. Edwards
Published 1886

[verse 1]
Some years ago, away down East,
'Tho' highly proper on Monday,
It was a crime against the law,
To kiss your wife on Sunday.
If some well-fed old hypocrite,
Should come to you today, sir,
And claim the law were binding yet,
To you I'd only say sir:

[chorus]
Turn the crank, turn the crank,
turn the crank right out of doors.
Turn the crank, turn the crank,
turn the crank right out of doors
With you loot help him scoot,
help him scoot out on all fours
With your boot help him scoot,
help him scoot out on all fours.
[verse 2]
In later days there's a new craze,
They call it prohibition;
They say: "Now here, you can't drink beer,
We won't give our permission."
When one of these old long ear'd saints
Come sneaking round and spying,
To learn if you have beer o hand,
Just send the crank out flying,

[repeat chorus]

[verse 3]
O temp'rance is a glorious thing,
In eating and in drinking,
A still more glorious thing it is,
In doing and in thinking,
Should come one of these social thugs,
To smellif in your breathing
There might appear some taint of beer,
Go at him boiling, seething.

[repeat chorus]

[verse 4]
Suppose you gave your freedom up,
To imbecils erratic,
What next fool thing would they demand,
These puritans fanatic?
What next would these old grannies ask?
I do not doubt, great land's sakes!
If you for them should give up beer,
They'd then abolish pancakes.

[repeat chorus]