The Silent Majority

Performed by National Lampoon
Recorded 1973

My fellow Americans, this is Lyndon Baines Johnson. I am speaking tonight on behalf of our nation's largest oppressed group: deceased Americans. In a time when the members of the noisy live minority are granted every privilege, we, the dead majority, are subject to degrading stereotypes. Expressions like "stiff," and "crow bait," "dead beat," and "dead drunk" roll from the lips of even the most-educated. Distinguished officials at all levels of government are arbitrarily removed from office at their demise, regardless of their seniority. Thus, the Republic is denied a vast reservoir of public servants capable of the cautious, restrained approach of true Progressivism. I urge you to find out what you can do to get dead people on the ballot in your community, and to elect candidates with good voting records on dead issues. Must an American's heart be beating to be in the right place? Does a man have to stand up in order to be counted? And above all, why should our only living dead President be a Republican?

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